And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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