glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
