woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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