remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
pray to the hookup gods
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
