The police scanner is talking about you again....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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