Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
