just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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