We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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