I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm too high and old for this...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
