i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
