so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
