Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
