it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
