guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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