College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
