Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
