im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think your dad took our porno
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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