girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize