you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Holy sore nipples Batman
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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