mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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