i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
