honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
