The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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