you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
