dude i'm inner monologue high
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
