I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
