Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize