apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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