luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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