Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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