we have pet lesbian snakes
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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