I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
