no, he came in my armpit
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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