I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
