I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
They have beer where we have blood.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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