i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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