i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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