I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize