Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
