btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Found the puke drawer
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
