I haven't been this sober since birth.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
