im drinking this country out of the recession.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
