some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
