i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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