4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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