So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
