Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
