smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
