Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
