i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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