I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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