Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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