Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
