is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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