oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
