worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
