Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
