If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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