I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
