last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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