Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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