One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
