my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
