my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
