I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
