Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
