Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
