I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
