Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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