At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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