carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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