Buhtt sex?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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