I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
